One of the scariest times for a parent is when their child goes to college. If you are the parent of a child with autism or other disability, this time becomes even scarier. Parents who have been advocating for their child for several years through events like IEP meetings and therapist appointments are suddenly told, “Okay, hands off! They are adults now and must fend for themselves.” Understandably, this is a shock for many parents, making the transition as difficult for them as it is for students.
These tips can help parents overcome that shock and prepare their student for college:
Neurotypical students and their parents have the luxury of starting to prepare for college during the summer after high school. They buy comforters and those XL sheets for dorm beds, trashcans, microwaves, and so on. You also will likely be making many trips to Bed Bath and Beyond, but, in addition, you will need to start working on skills, like those described below, beginning, at the latest, in your child’s junior year of high school.
Explain the differences between college and high school, including, for example, that there is no bell schedule, no reminders from teachers if they miss a due date, and no one but themselves to do their laundry. One good way to make all of the distinctions clear is by providing a comparison list of the differences between high school and college. These are a few examples you may be able to use:
Let them start to independently monitor when assignments are due and create reminders to submit them. I often hear from parents that their child completes an assignment and then doesn’t submit it. Neither you nor their instructors are going to remind them to submit their assignments in college. It is their responsibility as a college student to write the assignment due date down and submit it when it’s done.
Make a list of colleges that your child is interested in and find out what supports are available for neurodiverse students and students with disabilities. A great resource is www.collegeautismspectrum.com. Each college or university offers different resources for different students, so find the one that fits best with your child’s needs and desires.
This is the hardest suggestion for parents to do, but it’s important. When parents constantly catch their child before they fail, the child never learns to pick themselves up. They also get the message that they aren’t capable of doing things on their own. If you let them work through some difficult situations in high school, such as not doing too well on tests because they didn’t prepare well or missing a project deadline because they didn’t plan, it will be easier for them to understand the importance of planning and preparation when they get to college. It will also be much cheaper for you if your child learns this in high school rather than college.
As parents, we are so focused on making sure that our child is keeping up with neurotypical students and “fitting in” that we often neglect to let them know that it is okay to have autism, be neurodiverse, or just be different. Students who are comfortable with disclosing tend to have less anxiety and are able to share their differences with their professors, college staff, and friends. By sharing, they can receive more assistance in classes and across campus.
Yes, this may seem obvious, but there is a lot of independence expected of students in college. No one is going to be there to wake them up for classes or tell them when to shower. Have them set an alarm each morning and help them create a personal hygiene routine. Start to support independent living skills that they will need in college and create checklists if necessary.
Be prepared not to hear from your child for a few days at a time and know that they may not need you as much as they did previously. To keep in contact in ways that will make both of you happy, schedule a convenient time each week to check in with each other.
Last, realize that this is what you and your child have been working towards their whole life and you have prepared them as best as you can. Give yourself a pat on the back for the great work and be proud.
Amy Edwards, Ed.D., the director of the Drexel Autism Support Program, has been with Drexel University since 2008. She previously worked in Life Course Outcomes at the A.J. Drexel Autism Institute, researching and developing programs and services for youth on the autism spectrum as they transitioned to adulthood. Dr. Edwards’ program development and research has focused primarily on postsecondary education opportunities and the transition from high school to higher education and employment for students with autism. Her professional interest in autism stems from her personal life as a mother of four children, the oldest of whom has Asperger’s syndrome.
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