News and Knowledge

I am not the perfect parent, but as the mother of a child with autism, there are things I’ve learned along the way. I’d say the biggest lesson I can take away from raising a child on the autism spectrum is to always stay positive and patient. I’m not saying I can do it all the time, but finding the miracle in each moment can make life brighter.

Things we learn when the kids are young are lessons to apply across the life span. When Jake was younger, we’d celebrate eye contact, two-word sentences, pointing, and hitting the Cheerios in the potty. As he grew and matured, we found ourselves still reinforcing the same things, with a twist: eye contact for more than five seconds, answering those pesky “W” questions (who, what, where, when, why), reading street signs, and having dry nights.

The effort it takes for our kiddos to accomplish these tiny tasks is incredible. Do not be discouraged; stay focused on growth of any size. So each milestone, no matter what age it hits, needs to be celebrated. This can lead to a kid with confidence and autism, which is a thing of beauty!

If all the toys are off the floor but tossed onto the couch, at least he picked up the toys. Reinforce. When you’re arguing with your teenager and he won’t let up, reinforce the fact that his hands are still calmly by his sides (not through a wall or on you). If he/she doesn’t finish their veggies but ate the turkey, celebrate! Two different foods were on the same plate with each other touching and the person eating them didn’t melt down. There are ways to celebrate and reinforce everything. Just take the time to shift perspective and find it.

Recently, Jake had clean and folded laundry piled to the ceiling in the laundry room. I brought it all to his room and directed him to put it away. Seconds later, he emerged from his room and announced he was finished. When I went to check, there was not a piece of clothing in sight. All of it was away, stuffed haphazardly into his dresser drawers. So in his literal brain, he was right.

I could have been mad and had him redo it; instead I told him I was very happy to see a clean room. Fast forward 24 hours and he was frantically looking for his jeans. Three unloaded drawers and an emptied closet later and he found them. He re-organized his entire room, unprompted, after that. Woo-hoo!

Patience and perspective in playing the game paid off. From his point of view, he did put the clothes away the first time around. The following day, he learned that didn’t work for him. I reinforced his initiative in organizing his room by telling him he made a mature decision. Since one of his goals is to be a mature man, this was a win/win for both of us.

Each compliment, cuddle, or reinforcement we give our children, whether they are kids, teens, or young adults, builds confidence and feelings of safety.

We saw that in action recently. After an interaction at our home involving police, we turned a scary and potentially negative situation into a positive. The police were prepared, and I called the Police Autism Outreach Department the next day to thank them. When the department director spoke to Jake later, she was impressed by how well he could explain his feelings and asked him to be an autism ambassador and help her teach police officers. Every time he stands at the podium, I hold my breath as I have no idea what’s going to come out of his mouth. But his speeches have earned him honors at the White House and a Governor’s Citation.

A positive perspective and constant reinforcement, while ignoring undesired behaviors, can make our kids/teens/adults confident and unstoppable. It works at every age, you’ll see.

Happy 2017!

Jenn Lynn feels passionately about helping families touched by autism. She has extensive behavior training from her work in special education (in both public and private schools), ABA experience, and raising her own son on the spectrum. The former TV news producer is the founder and family navigator at Empowering Autism Caregivers, speaks and writes about her family’s own experiences in TheWorldAccordingtoJake.com, and is the executive director of Upcounty Community Resources, Inc.