News and Knowledge

Lately, I have been reading The Loving Push by Drs. Debra Moore and Temple Grandin. As the father of a young man (age 26) with Asperger’s Syndrome, I wish this book had existed when my son was much younger. As parents, my wife and I have worked hard to move our son forward throughout his life, and in many ways, our parenting approach has been consistent with the authors’ messages. But it certainly would have helped us to have this book as a reference to at least know when we were on the right track and when we were off base.

One of the themes of the book is to “push” your child on the spectrum out of their comfort zone, and focus them on life skills. Whether that is keeping their room clean, learning to make meals, or performing regular household chores, the premise is to emphasize the importance of these life skills early and take responsibility for mastering them. It’s so tempting for a parent to let their child stay in their comfort zone, because it reduces the stress of dealing with the people and things around them. But it’s even more important to make sure your child is ready for the “real world” and push them to maximize their capabilities, to whatever level they are able to achieve.

To that end, one area that does not get enough attention from parents is preparing our children for employment. Finding and keeping a job is a source of great personal satisfaction and a wonderful confidence builder. It’s also the place where many of our social relationships develop.

As adults and parents, we can look back and see that schools, both high school and college, and part-time jobs along the way prepared us for the ultimate goal of a career and the independence and security that come with it. However, that intuitive learning process isn’t something we see in most children with autism. Our son is no exception. It is something he is learning now.

Personally, until recently we as parents didn’t realize how important mastering these skills would be for our son and how much effort would be involved for him and us. We’re now putting in the work, and our son is anxious to start working full-time. After landing a job three years ago at a major retailer working part-time (as a result of some parental networking), he’s gained confidence from his work experience and feels ready to commit to full-time employment. The last three years have been an invaluable learning experience for him and us.

We are currently working on fundamental skills such as writing a resume, interviewing, and selling himself. We’re also spending time teaching him how to look for employment opportunities through the newspaper, internet, employment agencies, etc. and helping him understand the types of positions he is capable of performing and has a chance of succeeding in. We’ve also been teaching him that the effort of finding a job is a job in and of itself.

The upside is that there are resources available that can be helpful. OAR for example, is working on a website to bring together employers with those on the spectrum for employment opportunities. While OAR’s effort is still in development in Northern Virginia, OAR and other organizations are starting to make a more concerted effort to address the 80 percent underemployment rate for those with autism.

Colleges also have career resources to help students prepare for employment. My son has started to leverage the resources offered by the junior college where he got his associate degree. One of those is InterviewStream, which is a fee-based service usually offered to students for free through their college. (There is, however, a free 30-day trial available on the website for those who do not have free access.) After trying it for the first time, my son was surprised to see how he answered questions and is working on improving his interviewing skills. [OARacle editor’s note: This list of tech tools for interview practice describes similar interview prep tools, including five that are free.]

Reflecting on the messages shared by Drs. Moore and Grandin and our experiences as parents, we can see that many loving pushes have supported our son’s growth and successes to this point in his life. While he hasn’t yet landed that full-time position, I’m confident that, with this “loving push” from us, his willingness to work on the job search, and the support and help from our network of friends, our son is ready to take his next step toward it. Our hope is that once he does find that job, he too will enjoy the same sense of dignity, independence, and security his parents have found in their careers.

Addendum: After I submitted this Message to OAR, my son got very good news: the offer of a full-time job. His efforts, coupled with our support, have gotten him to the doorway of that independence we have hoped for him to find.

Tom Stanek has been involved with OAR since 2003, when he was looking for support for his son with Asperger Syndrome. Since then, he has gone from being an interested parent to an avid fundraiser (running three marathons for OAR), and, as of 2014, a member of OAR’s board of directors. Tom’s career has focused on computer technology, most recently as the co-owner of a computer consulting firm. Since selling his share of the firm in 2015, Tom has split time between technology training and rehabilitating a home with his son. In addition to their son, Tom and his wife have two daughters.