News and Knowledge

“It was a long time before I accepted the fact that my son had autism,” admits James Harlan. “I want other fathers to accept the diagnosis so they can become better fathers.”

He recalls battling shame as he and wife, Debra Vines, were raising their son, Jason, 26. As his friends noted traditional milestones like first dates and learning to drive, Jason’s accomplishments were on a different scale and that wasn’t easy for Harlan to deal with.

When he and Vines started The Answer, Inc., which is based in Chicago, he looked forward to connecting with men who were now facing what he had already gone through. “When we were raising Jason, all I saw was women in all of the meetings that we would attend. I asked myself where the men were. There must be men going through the same challenges.”

Founded in 2008, The Answer Inc. offers resources and support to parents in the Chicago area whose children have been diagnosed with autism and developmental differences. The organization provides families with the tools they need to advocate for their children and themselves, creating a space in which they can relax, socialize, and contribute.

The organization gave Harlan a forum for starting a men’s group, called “Just for Men,” that could provide fathers the support he had hoped for while raising his son. The goal, he says, is to “encourage, strengthen, and empower men in their journey of dealing with their loved one impacted by autism or another developmental disorder.”

The group, which is free, meets the first Saturday of each month and typically includes 15 or more men. The meeting starts with an invited speaker who talks about an issue related to raising a child with special needs or how to keep relationships with spouses and partners healthy. The second hour of the meeting, Harlan says, is devoted to what the group calls “burning desires,” where members have “the opportunity to vent.”

Other times, the group may head out to a restaurant, do a nature walk, or go on outings with their children. The Answer, Inc. provides respite care for children who come to the meetings with their dads.

One attendee noted that his wife says he is a better father and husband as a result of his attendance, while another says he feels “blessed knowing that I have someplace to go for fellowship.”

While Harlan says that it does take patience to start and run a group for men, he believes it’s well worth the effort. While men may take longer to open up about their feelings, they do value “knowing that they are not alone in this journey. The men in the group have created a bond of friendship and fellowship.”