News and Knowledge

“It takes a village to raise a child” describes the importance of having many people interact with children to help them grow and achieve their full potential. As the mother of a son with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), I know what it takes to “build a village” for a child with ASD. It takes hard work, commitment, and perseverance. Here are a few building blocks to start your village.

Follow your child’s lead: what are their interests?

Temple Grandin talks about creating relationships for children with ASD by using their preferred interests. My husband and I have followed this advice and it works.

• Make a list of your child’s preferred interests. Our son, Aidan, likes video games, reading, and nature.
• Research activities and organizations that support these interests. Cub Scouts was a perfect fit for Aidan’s love of nature.
• Try it. We resisted Cub Scouts initially, despite our son’s request and encouragement from other parents, fearing the time commitment, not to mention previous failed attempts at group activities. Last year, we finally tried it. It was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. Aidan has made genuine friendships, participated in service projects in our community, and went on every camping trip plus a week of outdoor summer camp. He had his first group birthday party this year with friends from Cub Scouts. I’m now a co-den leader, completely outside my comfort zone yet finding the experience extremely rewarding. Aidan is proud of me for leading, and I’m proud of him for participating. It’s created quality time for our family and strengthened relationships within our community.

You’ll be surprised how connected your child will be when surrounded by people who share their interests. It’s much easier for them to initiate and engage in conversations. If you can’t find a club or organization that fits your child’s interest, start one.

Think outside the box; our children do.

Most children with ASD love technology. Use it to expand their village. When discussing friendships, Aidan said, “I can make friends through my video games online.”  I said, “No way, you’re too young.” It turned out that he was right. When we let him start an online gaming group, he used it to stay connected with friends we’ve met through our military moves, friends from his current school, and family friends.

Aidan helped us think outside the box. You should too. How can you expand your child’s community through technology? Not tech savvy? Find organizations that have these groups. Asperger Experts, for example, hosts private and moderated Minecraft servers for children and adults with ASD and an online support group for parents.

Sports are another great way to make friends while being active. If your child does well with team sports, start there. If not, think about sports performed individually while on a team. Aidan swims for our neighborhood summer league. He’s the only swimmer using scuba goggles and the slowest in his age group, but that’s okay. He’s doing the best he can at something he likes to do. Without even realizing, he gets sensory input from the water, continues to develop his motor skills and stamina, and learns about commitment and sportsmanship. All this is happening while he meets new people and is supported by his team and neighborhood.

There are plenty of individual team sports besides swimming, including wrestling, martial arts, yoga, track, and horseback riding.

Network, network, network: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

Defined as interacting with other people to exchange information and develop contacts, networking is a life skill we all need, especially when it comes time for our children to find their first job. Lead by example to teach your children how to network. Work the waiting rooms, join online communities, have playdates, do whatever it takes to build your network. Talk to your children about how it feels. You won’t connect with everyone you meet, and they need to know this. Unstuck and On Target taught us to live our lives out loud to benefit our son. Discussing my positive and negative experiences with Aidan helped him realize we often share similar feelings in similar situations.

Our family has discovered new connections through old friends, new friends, and a whole world of experiences through being willing to step outside of our comfort zone. We have seen Aidan take on adventures and mature in the process. We hope you find the process of creating a village for your child as positive and enjoyable as we have.

Angela Woltanski is the mother of a 9-year-old son with autism and a military spouse of 13 years to her husband who served 20 years in the U.S. Navy. She works from her home in Frederick, Md., as a full-time senior client relationship manager for a global advisory firm. Passionate about her family and community, she dedicates time to volunteering in Frederick County public schools and working with the Special Education Citizens Advisory Committee to help improve the resources available to our educators and children with special needs.