Holiday Survival Guide for Children with Autism
November 01, 2003
By: Liane Holliday Willey, Ed.D.
Categories: Families
Note to readers: In each issue of The OARacle, we provide a helpful resource on a topic of interest within the autism community. This month’s article focuses on tips for parents on helping their children through the stress on the holidays. Special thanks to Liane Holliday Willey, a woman with Asperger Syndrome who is also a mother, wife and author of several books on Asperger Syndrome, for her contribution.
Few events appeal to the romantic in me more than the holiday season. With little effort I can set my imagination free to fancy sumptuous dinners shared with old and new friends, guilt-free shopping excursions, and quiet moments reflecting on the reason for the season. Of course I’m only dreaming.
Truth be told, facing the holiday season is a bit analogous to having a root canal! My stomach lurches, my serenity goes on strike, and every one of my senses shriek. And trust me, this is progress! I’m now an adult – a wife and mother, well beyond my most challenging Asperger years. I look at my young Aspie friends and my palms sweat at the thought of what they will face over the coming weeks, unless of course, I come up with a way for us to enjoy and celebrate the season. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!
After reflecting on the rush and clamor of the holiday season, it occurred to me that there are three basic problem areas that cause the most difficulty for many of us with Asperger Syndrome and other autism spectrum disorders. It seems sensory overload, disruptions to routines, and social demands are the “Big Three” that continually sabotage our holidays. So, putting pen to paper, I designed the following plan which I am confident will help us cope better than we ever have before.
Those seasonal sensory stressors! Among them are classrooms and public areas laden with loud music, busy crowds and long lines, twitching lights and decorations, heavy smells and a myriad of taste treats. Parents can make a conscious effort to reduce sensory commotion by:
Asking restaurant personnel to seat their family in a remote corner.
When children with ASD feel overwhelmed, they should learn to use an agreed upon “I need help” code word with a responsible adult. The adult will then provide a means of helping the child de-stress by:
Don’t forget about home stressors too. Parents can do the following to avoid problems:
Amid the clatter and chaos, children with ASD need their oasis – a sense of order to get them through the madness. The following will help parents AND children maintain their equilibrium:
Avoid travel away from home during the holidays, especially extended travel to family members who live far away. Save those trips for less stressful occasions.
The social demands of the holiday season are like no other! From our AS perspective, you need the social flexibility of a human pretzel to travel the maze of social challenges. Hopefully, the following plan will make our kids feel more comfortable at social gatherings.
During the holidays, I have vowed that I will join our whole family in embracing the festivities with peace and joy and awe-inspiring wonder. I know that there are no absolutes, and that what works one day, may have little effect the next, but I’ve taken that first and most important step. This year, I have a plan!
Liane Holliday Willey, Ed.D., is an internationally-known speaker and writer on Asperger Syndrome and a researcher who specializes in the fields of psycholinguistics and learning style differences. She is the author of Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger’s Syndrome and Asperger Syndrome in the Family: Redefining Normal as well as the editor of Asperger Syndrome in the Adolescent Years: Living with the Ups, the Downs and Things in Between. For more information about her, please visit her website.