News and Knowledge

OAR’s new guide for parents offers advice on how to help siblings of children with autism overcome the challenges they face. One of the biggest challenges these children and teenagers face is when their outside world, like school and friends, collides with their home life. Bringing friends over for a playdate or having peers ask, “What’s up with your brother/sister?” can be difficult for them to handle, especially if: (1) they don’t know enough about autism, and (2) they haven’t been instructed on how to deal with this potentially uncomfortable situation.

Both parents and siblings who contributed to the production of this resource expressed concerns surrounding this issue, so OAR made sure it was addressed in detail. Here’s an excerpt from the parent resource on how to help your children without autism when their family and social lives collide:

• Discuss with your children how to deal with peers who ask questions or are rude about a sibling’s behaviors. School can be a stressful time for your children if they feel judged for having a sibling who does “weird” things or requires special attention. Prepare them for these kinds of conversations and help them come up with simple, efficient explanations for their peers. They shouldn’t have to feel defensive about their sibling, but being able to have a quick, thoughtful dialogue with a friend or classmate could make it easier for them when people ask questions.
• For playdates at home, try to establish boundaries, like having your child with autism play in another room when a sibling’s friend is over. This may be easier said than done, so encourage your children to be open with their friends about what to expect. More likely than not, your children will end up with kind, non-judgmental friends, who appreciate them and their brother or sister with autism.
• Recognize that age often makes a big difference, as with any sibling relationship. The teenage years add a new level of complexity, because peer relationships and social acceptance become increasingly important. As your child with autism enters the later teen years and young adulthood, they might start to look mature, but their emotional or intellectual maturity may lag behind. This can be another source of embarrassment for your children without autism.

Introducing friends and peers to a sibling’s autism is a difficult issue that requires love, acceptance, and patience on everyone’s part. Your children without autism are likely to experience an array of negative emotions (something which may, in turn, make them feel guilty for doing so) and will need validation of their feelings. As well as comforting them and acknowledging their feelings, parents can encourage their children to respect their sibling with autism’s difficulties and differences. It’s not something that will happen overnight, but the guidance you offer should make the process a lot more manageable.

For more support on dealing with issues that siblings of children with autism encounter, check out the full version of Brothers, Sisters, and Autism: A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Siblings, as well as our resources for siblings themselves. There is a guide for teenagers and a workbook for young children. All are now available at OAR’s Web site, and you can read more about this initiative in this month’s Resource Spotlight article.