Surviving the Holidays
In November 2003, Liane Holliday Willey, Ed.D., wrote a holiday survival guide for OARacle readers. Dr. Willey is a speaker and writer on Asperger Syndrome and a researcher who specializes in the fields of psycholinguistics and learning style differences. Her tips included these:
- Mitigate sensory overload by:
- Finding out when shopping malls are least busy, and shopping during those times.
- Keeping a sensory overload emergency kit with you at all times. Put whatever you need to reduce sensory commotion for your child in the kit, including sunglasses, ear plugs, squeeze ball, and aromatherapy lotion.
- Providing your child with an agreed upon “I need help” code word. When the child uses that word, you (or the caregiver with the child at the time) can help the child de-stress in whatever ways work, which may include going to a quiet room to relax with his/her security blanket or favorite stim, listening to music, playing an online game, or watching a video.
- Avoid creating stress by:
- Shopping for holiday clothing that is comfortable for your child.
- Deciding in advance what you will do so there aren’t last-minute scheduling surprises.
- Decorating your home in stages so that the change is gradual and things aren’t rushed.
- Opting for simplicity whenever possible.
- Creating your own traditions and rituals that your family can look forward to from year to year.
- Maintain routines and order by:
- Avoiding travel away from home during the holidays, especially extended travel to family members who live far away. Save those trips for less stressful occasions.
- Maintaining as much of your normal household routine and environment as possible. Avoid cancellation of regularly scheduled activities such as music or sports practices if you can.
- Making an effort to go to bed and get up at the same hour each day.
- Keeping your child’s bedroom as his/her space. Don’t use it as a guest room for visitors.
- Prepare for seasonal social situations by:
- Writing social scripts for how your child will be expected to behave at holiday events, and then role playing the behaviors until they run smoothly.
- Outlining how to act while shopping, visiting friends, and receiving gifts. Incorporate “think it, but don’t say it” strategies and the “I need help” code word.
- Writing social stories that include such things as the realities of holiday stress, how busy the shopping malls will be, the funny holiday characters they might see in public, and the most likely changes in the normal school routine.
Keeping Stress to a Minimum
Jenn Lynn is a former TV news producer who currently speaks and writes about her family’s experiences in TheWorldAccordingtoJake.com. She is also the executive director of Upcounty Community Resources, Inc., which offers innovative programs, events, and social opportunities for people with developmental differences. In November 2013, she offered her suggestions for making Thanksgiving a joyful time for everyone:
- Serve up a healthy dose of rewards. Huge helpings of praise and reinforcement throughout holiday events and meals will help your child make it through.
- Set the amount of time your child will be expected to sit before being allowed to taking a movement break.
- Praise your child for just sitting with family and friends.
- Allow your child to sit by favorite relatives or those with whom she feels safe.
- In restaurants, be mindful of what table you choose. Stay away from being seated too close to the restrooms or kitchen, because lots of smells and noises can be stressors.
- Let your child make his own food choices. At least he is at table and taking part in the festivities.
- Offer breaks when your child needs one. Asking the kiddo to get the milk jug or water pitcher is a perfect way for the child to take a break and feel needed and important. This can even work in a restaurant when the table is long and what you want is at the other end.
For Friends and Family
Melissa Archer, a former English teacher, the wife of a police officer, and the mother of five daughters ranging in age from 11 to 35, provided her tips in November of 2012, focusing on how to educate family and friends about what to expect when celebrating the holidays with a child who has autism:
- Provide information about your child in advance. A great place to start is with your holiday cards. Include a page of tips about your child (and autism more generally) with your holiday cards so your guests will have a better idea of what to expect before they arrive. If you are going somewhere else, make sure the hosts get the handout in advance or speak with them beforehand.
- Pick and choose the events your family will attend. Not every holiday event or activity will work for a child with autism. As parents, you may also find some holiday gatherings difficult. There are times when it can be very sad to be the parent of a child with autism, especially during the holidays, and it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings.
- As much as possible, spend holidays with families and friends who understand your situation, can empathize, and are willing to accommodate your child.
- Share your child’s gift list. People who only have experience with typically developing children may have no idea what to give your child. We have also suggested that people purchase specific gifts from online catalogs.
- Consider asking for gift cards. It’s more likely to take pressure off the gift givers to know they are giving something that will be appreciated.
- Ask your family and friends to be understanding about clothes. Jasmynn will only wear clothes that are soft and comfortable, so we do not force her to wear “dress up” clothes.
- Make sure the hosts and guests understand that your child may not be able to sit all the way through a meal or while gifts are being opened. We expect Jasmynn to sit with us for grace and to eat. She then uses sign language to ask to be excused, and we allow her to go to a quieter location with less people.
We hope these tips will be useful as you prepare for and enjoy the coming holidays.
