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Recently, I added a new job to my professional autism experience: Stepparent of Carmen, a young adult on the spectrum. Although I have always tried to think of autism practically, helping to parent Carmen has helped me to take this practicality to a different level.

For example, Carmen’s father and I recently discussed the goals we would have as a family that would help Carmen. Those discussions resulted in a New Year’s resolution to help Carmen create “moments.” “Moments,” as we defined them, are seconds or minutes in time that encourage interactions, success, and use of simple skills that can make a major impact.

In fact, Carmen and I had already had a “moment,” and it was that interaction that helped her father and I decide to develop a resolution to create more of them. This is what happened:

Carmen and I were shopping for a cookbook at the Half-Price Book Store – her interest, not mine. It’s truly amazing how many cookbooks they have and in so many locations in the store. We had to navigate three sections of books for the right one.

As we were leaving a particularly narrow aisle, Carmen found a barrier – a young woman looking at books right in front of us. I know Carmen saw her. Carmen’s way to address this barrier was to keep moving at her typical speed. What the other person did was entirely up to her. She could move out of the way quickly or get clipped by the “Carmenator.”

Anticipating a collision, I stopped Carmen with a slight touch.

“Carmen, when someone is standing where you want to go through, you need to say ‘excuse me’ so that they will know to move. It is a nice thing to do. You can say ‘excuse me’ to this woman in front of you and she will know to move.”

I caught the eye of the barrier woman and tried to signal with my eyes, “Please just stand there and wait for Carmen to say ‘excuse me.’” That is a lot for eyes to communicate, but my eyes must be excellent in this regard, because the barrier woman smiled and went back to looking at books.

It took just a couple of seconds for Carmen to say “excuse me” to the barrier woman who kindly replied, as she moved aside, “No problem.”

Behind Carmen’s back, I mouthed “thank you” and the woman – no longer a barrier – simply smiled.

A few seconds later, Carmen tapped me on the arm and quietly said, “I did it.”

“Yes, you did. That was amazing.”

It was a moment. And my resolution is to create more.

Creating Your Own Moments

There are many ways to create a moment. The moment should be brief, positive, and expand the world of the individual on the spectrum just a bit. One simple way to do this is to use simple niceties.

For example, when you are in the grocery store, tell your child that you are going to find someone to help you. Explain how you know who works there, perhaps they wear shirts or badges of a certain color. Then tell your child exactly what you are going to say.

After the grocery store employee helps you, turn to your child and say something like this, “Now I am going to say thank you. It will probably make him feel good if you do that too. He might even smile. Can you do that?” Include a reinforcer, if necessary.

That is a moment for your child – a pleasant interaction that works in many places –and provides a pleasant moment for the person you interact with as well.

Brenda Smith Myles Ph.D., a consultant with the Ohio Center for Autism and Low Incidence (OCALI) and the Ziggurat Group, has made over 1,000 presentations and written more than 250 articles and books on ASD. Myles serves on the executive boards of several organizations, including OAR’s Scientific Council. She has received awards from the Autism Society of America, The Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome (GRASP) Divine Neurotypical Award, and the Council for Exceptional Children, among others.