“I was in the mainstream health class in high school, learning about health with students without disabilities. When the sexuality unit started, they removed me from class.” When a person with a disability shared that experience with me, it stopped me in my tracks. The message being sent was unmistakable: learning about physical activity and nutrition was acceptable—but learning about relationships and sexuality was not. That exclusion speaks volumes.
It raised an important question. When we teach someone to drive, we require driver education to build skills and reduce risk. Yet when it comes to relationships and sexuality—areas with equally serious consequences—we often assume that withholding information is the safest approach. That assumption is wrong.
Many parents of autistic individuals, as well as professionals who support them, struggle with whether to discuss healthy relationships and sexuality. Some believe that autistic people are not sexual beings, or fear that talking about sexuality will encourage sexual behavior. Research and lived experience show the opposite: the more accurate, age-appropriate education someone receives, the more likely they are to delay sexual activity and to protect themselves if they choose to be sexual.
Knowledge is protection.
Sexuality is a part of being human. It does not mean engaging in sexual activity—it means having feelings, identities, boundaries, and experiences related to one’s body and relationships. Cultural narratives often limit who is seen as “sexual,” but this narrow view excludes many people, including autistic individuals.
Autistic people have the same questions, emotions, and concerns about relationships and sexuality as anyone else. When they are left out of these conversations, it does not erase their sexuality—it only removes their access to accurate, supportive information.
When parents and professionals avoid these topics, many autistic people turn to the internet or media for answers. Unfortunately, much of what they encounter online is inaccurate, confusing, or harmful. Without guidance, it becomes challenging to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy messages.
Providing clear, accessible, and medically accurate education enables people to understand what they are hearing and seeing, ask questions safely, and develop skills that protect their well-being. The alternative is leaving this education to chance.
Age-appropriate, medically accurate education supports safety, dignity, and connection. It helps people learn about:
Relationship and sexuality education lowers the risk of:
The primary challenge in providing this education is the discomfort it may cause. Conversations may feel awkward at first—but discomfort is not harm. There are no downsides to ensuring people with disabilities receive accurate, respectful education.
If you are an autistic individual: Seek out resources explicitly tailored to your needs. Advocate for classes in your school or community.
If you are a parent: Utilize resources designed for families and advocate for inclusive education within schools and with service providers.
If you are a professional: Advocate for training and evidence-based education to address these topics responsibly and effectively.
Many people feel uncertain about how to approach this topic or where to begin. That uncertainty is normal. What matters is starting. Time and again, people report that once these conversations begin, they are far more manageable than expected. As one individual with a disability shared: “I learned from the school of hard knocks, and I am still dealing with the trauma of learning the hard way.”
We can do better. Education prevents harm. Ignorance does not protect—it leaves people vulnerable.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge is protection.
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT-certified sexuality educator, is the founder, CEO, and lead trainer for Elevatus Training. She has been a sexuality educator and trainer for over 30 years. As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals and parents, as well as people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators.
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