News and Knowledge

As an autism sexuality advocate, writer, and professional speaker, one question that people often ask me is, “Why did you choose this line of work?” Autism was not something that I discovered or knew that I was meant to do with my life. I didn’t take a year off after graduating college, didn’t backpack through Nepal, or go on a spiritual retreat that gave me insight into how I could change autistic people’s lives. Instead, my own life was changed by autism, by the experiences I’ve had shaping and molding me into the person I am today: A person who has finally found her place in the world serving the autism community.

At the age of 11, I was diagnosed with autism. The career aspiration that I had at the time and for many years after was to write poetry in a cottage in the Italian Alps. Looking back, it seems as though I was presciently anticipating COVID-19-driven isolation, but for me, it is a reminder of how little I believed I had to offer the world. There was no autism community in those days, no place in the world for someone like me, a little girl who couldn’t bear to throw away her sandwich bags at lunchtime because she knew what it felt like to be abandoned. The moment that things started to change was in 2005, when I appeared in Normal People Scare Me, a documentary directed by a young man on the autism spectrum. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was part of the autism community, and I began to believe my voice could make a difference within it.

Fifteen years later, I have graduated with a master’s degree in applied behavior analysis (ABA), spoken twice at the United Nations for World Autism Awareness Day, and started my own consulting business. I have watched as the need for open, honest conversations about autism and sexuality and access to comprehensive, accurate sex education has grown exponentially. In March, I took on a new position as a relationship coach in the Center for Adult Autism Services at Rutgers University, and have been fortunate to work on developing a sexual education curriculum for Rutgers students and community members on the autism spectrum. Although I have worked remotely for most of the past nine months, I have discussed expanding my role at the Center in the coming year to involve working directly with autistic students. I am also hoping to publish my first book, a memoir titled The Naughty Autie, about my experiences as an autistic woman with relationships and dating, and to use the book as a platform to reach and educate the wider neurotypical world on autism.

Growing up on the autism spectrum, it always seemed that others were speaking for me; my parents and even my teachers’ voices held more weight in individualized education program (IEP) meetings than my own. When I started to self-advocate, the only thing I had was my story. At 14 years old, with thick glasses and hair tied back in pigtails with the same scrunchies I wore for soothing pressure around my wrist, I found the courage to speak for myself. It wasn’t easy, but being able to do so changed my life. I am so grateful to have survived the journey from the girl that I was to the advocate, writer, speaker, and woman that I am, to have made it this far so I can help other autistic people who are walking the same path that I was once on.

So much comes to mind when I think of the year ahead. I wonder what the world will be like post-COVID-19 and how we will ensure that there is a place for autistic people in it. I wonder how we will support autistic people and their families who have struggled through isolation and loneliness, through uncertainty and fear in the absence of routine and predictability.

I wonder if people will still ask me why I chose this line of work, when the answer seems so clear: How could I ever do anything else? Serving the autism community is my passion and life’s work. My goal is not to speak for others, but to have the honor of helping individuals on the autism spectrum find the courage to share their stories and speak for themselves.

Amy Gravino, M.A., is an autism sexuality advocate and relationship coach in the Center for Adult Autism Services at Rutgers University. She is also the president of A.S.C.O.T Consulting, through which she is a consultant, coach, and mentor. Amy is an international speaker who serves on the boards of directors of several autism organizations, has given TED talks, spoken twice at the United Nations for World Autism Awareness Day, and presented on topics related to autism, with a special focus and research on the subject of autism and sexuality. Her award-winning writing has been featured in Spectrum, Reader’s Digest, special education textbooks, and other outlets. Visit www.amygravino.com to learn more.