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Many people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) face a dilemma in the workplace: being treated differently by their neurotypical coworkers. Some describe being treated with kid gloves, as if they are powder kegs that could go off at any moment. Others describe their coworkers looking at them with unwarranted levels of pity, as if their diagnosis is a death sentence. These sorts of stories are a major road block to getting working adults with ASD to disclose their diagnosis and work to make things easier on themselves.

So if you have a coworker on the autism spectrum and you’re worried you might treat them in a way that will put them off or create an uncomfortable working environment, what are you supposed to do? What is the best way to treat a person on the spectrum?

The first and most important thing that anybody can understand about ASD is that the people living with it are, just like everybody else, individual in their personalities and dispositions. This extends to how ASD affects them in their daily lives. As the saying goes: If you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met only one person with autism.

Every single person with autism experiences their disorder in a different way than do other people on the spectrum. Unlike other disorders and disabilities that tend to have common symptoms that are relatively easy to pin down, people on the autism spectrum can present any number of different challenges: from emotional regulation and sensory issues to social-interactive issues, from communicative difficulties to repeated or overly structured behaviors. Further, these are not the only difficulties people on the spectrum experience, and what’s more, they may express these difficulties in any number of ways along a range of intensities.

Forget The Catch-All Approach

As a result, there is no catch-all method of “dealing” with people on the autism spectrum. There are some blogs and forum posts out there that try to detail catch-all methods of dealing with people with autism. One common suggestion is to avoid using metaphor, hyperbole, or sarcasm when talking to people on the spectrum because “they are very literal.” Other blog posts suggest that people on the spectrum “suffer from tactile defensiveness” so you shouldn’t initiate conversations with a handshake or a tap on the shoulder or anything that involves touching them directly.

Many sources claim to describe the “best way” or the “right way” to deal with people with autism. The fact of the matter, though, is that people on the spectrum manifest their disorder in so many different ways that, while these suggestions may work for a great many people on the spectrum, they and other generic suggestions will not work for everyone on the spectrum. Work with enough people on the spectrum, and you will eventually meet people who find being treated in this way off-putting or even insulting if they perceive you as talking down to them.

Respect, Empathy, and Patience

The alternative, I suggest, is to treat people with autism the way anyone wants to be treated: with empathy and patience. Remember that every single person on the autism spectrum is just that: a person. Tailor your interactions with them accordingly, as you would do for any other coworker.

Everybody has their own preferences, nitpicks, and idiosyncrasies. Some people don’t like being referred to as “sir” or “ma’am” because it makes them feel old. Some people will ask that you refer to them by a nickname or pseudonym. Others may ask not to be disturbed on their lunch break or after a certain hour. These simple requests people make of their coworkers we tend to regard as harmless. We all tailor our language and behavior, at least a little bit, to the individual with whom we are interacting, depending on how well we know the person.

It may be beneficial to think of people on the spectrum in the same way: as simply having more prominent versions of these quirks and preferences, which require more tailored interactions from those around them. Few people on the spectrum will ask for anything particularly extreme when they interact with you. Most simply wish to be granted the same respect for their preferences that other people are granted by default.

This is why the absolute best thing you can do when interacting with people on the spectrum is to get to know them. It’s likely they will surprise you like most people surprise us as we get to know them better. As their quirks and preferences become known to you, give those preferences and quirks the same respect you would give another coworker’s. In fact, treat the person on the autism spectrum as you would any other human being: as an individual who appreciates empathy and kindness.

William Purdy is a freelance writer and editor. He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Southwestern University and was diagnosed on the spectrum at the age of 25. He went on to join the Leadership Education in Autism and Neurodevelopmental Disabilities program to learn more about his diagnosis and has since written articles for various magazines and mental health publications, including HireAutism and Spectrum Fusion.