Hiring siblings as babysitters can be a great experience for all of your children, but it can also cause stress between them. This week’s post originally appeared on Say Hello, Yellow. Written by guest blogger Christiana Redman, whose brother has autism, this post talks about the pros and cons of siblings babysitting their siblings with disabilities.
As I spent time with family day and night for a week straight, we reflected a lot on family memories. We laughed until our bellies hurt reflecting on some of our inside jokes that have been around for years, heard stories about the kids in their various school activities, and just enjoyed being together like we always do.
As we sat around together laughing, many nights I watched Phillip get ready for bed, which reminded me of when I used to babysit for him. I babysat just about every kid in the neighborhood beginning when I was 10 years old. I babysat for Phillip periodically, probably once or twice every couple of weeks, depending on my availability based on my other babysitting jobs.
My parents almost always gave me a choice about whether I wanted to babysit or whether they should hire a babysitter; I think the only time I didn’t get to choose was when someone had forgotten about a meeting 5 minutes before they needed to leave. More often than not, I was happy to babysit for two reasons: 1. I enjoyed spending one on one time with my brother & 2. I liked getting paid! My parents paid me the same rate as they would have paid a babysitter, which made me feel valued both for my time and my skills. While this wasn’t the primary reason I chose to babysit (most of the time!), it was helpful to know that my parents appreciated it and wanted to show that to me.
I know many families use siblings as alternatives to babysitters to save on money and because siblings are often better prepared to care for their siblings with disabilities, but I encourage families to do what they can to provide sibling babysitters with some money as a reflection of appreciation for the siblings time, effort, and expertise when the sibling chooses to babysit. I also encourage families to identify and hire babysitters outside of siblings to truly allow the neurotypical child(ren) the option of declining to babysit every so often. It is okay if a sibling is present in the home when a babysitter is there; there is power in the sibling knowing that they can take a break from sibling-related responsibilities for the time being, but that they can still answer questions if they should arise.
Our family has had success in finding babysitters from a variety of places:
- Local Universities: We’ve hired several students who have been studying Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, or Special Education from several universities near our home. Students involved in programs like Best Buddies may also be good options.
- Schools: Over the years we have hired several of Phillip’s school paraprofessionals as babysitters in the summer or on the weekends.
- Church: Our family is very involved in our church, so just about everyone knows Phillip at least on some level. Some of our babysitters have been people who have shown particular interest in getting to know Phillip.
- Family Members & Close Friends: Though it is fairly rare, my family sometimes asks adult friends from around the community to let Phillip tag along with them when our regular babysitters are not available. Phillip typically goes over to their house when this option is chosen, simply because it allows our friends/family to continue with their own regularly scheduled activities with limited interruptions to their schedule.
Other places where babysitters for people with special needs can be found:
- Care.com: I have heard of several successful hires from the “Special Needs” section of this website. Sitters can be background checked, interviewed, and arranged through the site easily.
- Referrals from Friends: Families can check around with other friends whose children have special needs to inquire about contact information for people who have successfully babysat for other families. Networking is powerful!
- Local Service Agencies: Inquire with local disability service agencies about whether they are aware of people who provide caregiving/babysitting services independently. Consider agencies like the Arc or Autism Society.
Note: I realize that some my feel that the term “babysitting” isn’t appropriate for adults with intellectual/developmental disabilities, but I chose to use the term “babysitting” in this post because that is what we say in our family. It also is easier for me to convey that what I am talking about is time-limited caregiving by a sibling or other person in the absence of the primary caregiver versus ongoing caregiving done by a parent or professional caregiver in a residential setting.
About the Authors: Christiana (“The Daughter”) is a licensed social worker (LSW) and is currently working as a Behavior Therapist. Harriet describes her as joyful, sassy, and passionate. Christiana enjoys being active in the sunshine, traveling wherever she can, and cooking without recipes. Most importantly, she is sister to Phillip, the inspiration for this blog.
